A Piece Of My Mind
Studies over, good job prospect, business project, the world, and then what? My mother thinks a wife is the natural next step – but most mothers think a wife is the natural next step to anything.
I am finding it somewhat difficult to adapt an appropriate thinking model to the marriage problem. Over here, one would think I should get married because I am 25 or because I finished my studies or because its getting more difficult to sleep at night, or because my friends all have kids now or because I can sustain a family or because I need companionship or because it is the natural next step or because I am human or because it is nice to have someone to talk to when things get too difficult or because it is good to have someone to look after you or because everyone should take care of someone or because it will advance my life to a whole new level or because of other reasons I can not think of now at 4:10 AM
What are the right reasons and circumestances to get married? What is a dream and what is harsh reality? Forbidden extra-marital relationships are out of the question. With this, every one of the reasons in the list seems like a valid trigger on its own. Only I have decided long time ago, amongst other things, against marriage of convenience and marriage of need and arranged marriages and forced marriages and marriage as a last resort to other totally unrelated problems.
June 20th, 2005 at 4:05 am
…..
o_O
I hv nothing to say except: THANK YOU for thinking about marriage the way you do!
Wish other men, don’t just marry for its convience…
I am speechless, thou I already know and realize wht u hv said, it’s like this is the 1st time i hear it…
THANK YOU for ringing the bell =)
June 20th, 2005 at 4:07 am
oh .. how abt marrying to complete ne9 dinek? wht do you think abt that?
June 20th, 2005 at 4:27 am
I couldn’t agree more with what you said.. I have more thoughts that I would rather to keep for myself.. =)
June 20th, 2005 at 6:48 am
personally it is the fear of being alone..
“I want to feel that there is some one close to me, a being who can speak and say something, no matter what it be.
I wish to be able to awaken somebody by my side, so that I may be able to ask some sudden question, a stupid question even, if I feel inclined, so that I may hear a human voice, and feel that there is some waking soul close to me, some one whose reason is at work; so that when I hastily light the candle I may see some human face by my side–because–because –I am ashamed to confess it–because I am afraid of being alone.”
June 20th, 2005 at 7:07 am
My husband is a dentist. One year before he finished his studies, his mother broached this same topic to him - finding a wife as a life partner. I only knew him as a good friend, with similar interests and intellect. Within a year, he approached me for courtship, then engagement a year later, then marriage exactly one year after that. Yes, we;re also 25 like you!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Your mum’s advice has good intentions, however the final decision is yours, not hers. Do what you think is best for yourself, in the long run. You have 2 more years in UK, isn’t it? God bless you Dr e3ashig =)
June 20th, 2005 at 9:09 am
Ah - I think this is a song that all mums sing! “No Life Without Wife”!
If it’s one thing you should do, it is: don’t fight the system; play with it. You’re seeking a soulmate. Fine. Your mum is seeking a wife. Fine. Can you reach a middle point by you marrying someone you adore and whom your parents approve? Why not :)
Wait and check out the ‘offers’. But never ever feel coerced into getting married because of convenience or a lack of ‘good girls in this century’. Sometimes parents dramatize the situation to ship you off into wedlock. Be rationale yet emotional. A balance is always healthy :)
Good luck!
June 20th, 2005 at 11:22 pm
You think too much doctor :P But I enjoyed reading what you wrote
Take the pressure off your shoulder
No one can force you into marriage. You will know it’s the time once you find your soulmate.
All the best bro :)
June 20th, 2005 at 11:47 pm
and just to answer your questions..yes you need to get married for all the reasons you’ve mentioned above and maybe more!
wo salamatkum ;P
June 21st, 2005 at 10:55 am
Assalaamu Alikum.
Among other things, I would like to get married for companionship & then ofcourse there’s the fear that if i don’t..i’d endup a 70 something spinster all alone in the world!
June 21st, 2005 at 8:08 pm
i believe you are the perfect person that any girl would dream to marry.. dont you think?
June 23rd, 2005 at 11:22 am
XD although I accept that marrying for (tkmlet ne9 eddeen) is a valid reason to get married, i have to logic it using my own frame of mind. To me, that sentence can not be taken litraly, as it is subject to many interpretations.
Kitten, log in with a different name and spill out your thoughts, and we will pretend we dont knwo it is you :p
Fashionesta, lonliness is probably what tips the balance to those who think in a this manner, nothing else.
lotusutol what is it like in other cultures to be married to someone you only met few times. what is the situation a year into marriege.
SaraDamore, marriege is such a complicated affair. I dont even know weather i want to get married or not, i dont see it in the horizon.
Rayhan, it is good to have you back around here :)
Rozy, back to the point fashionesta made,, lonliess is a big issue here.
Adore, I have much more imperfections than I perhaps reveal around here, i assure you.
June 23rd, 2005 at 1:19 pm
Is it afraid of the change? Not ready for such change?
Just happy with less responsibility? And feel it’s just the best for you?
So read “Who moved my cheese?” to know that the change ur afraid from will move the life to better sometime.
It’s not a problem or bad to marry but on the good time with the right one
What?? 25 years old too early lol
June 23rd, 2005 at 5:09 pm
Marriage was not even in my mind when I got a suitor asking for my hand in marriage, I had a million reasons to say “no” and the following reasons to say “yes”:
The sayings of the Prophet (Peace be upon him):
1) “When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half.”
June 23rd, 2005 at 5:11 pm
2) “O you young men! Whoever is able to marry should marry, for that will help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty.” (Al-Bukhari)
3) “Marriage is my sunna. Whosoever keeps away from it is not from me.”
And that is how I made my decision of saying “yes” and getting married took place – Al humdililah.
And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect. (30:21)
July 1st, 2005 at 1:27 pm
Mums always think its the natural next step. Well I fear loneliness….growing up old with no husband or kids lol and a soul mate always by my side. Good luck e-3ashig ^_^
July 7th, 2005 at 9:06 pm
From what I have seen since living in this region, introduced marriages seem to work really well. Where two people (usually hindus or muslims) independently decide that they want to find a spouse and start a family, and get suitable introductions from friends. It’s 100% choice on both sides, and meeting the other person first means you’re not going in blind. Regardless of religion, putting two people together in a marriage who have never even met seems inappropriate to me. But having a couple of meetings first, albeit chaperoned, if both are willing seems very sensible.
Your friends and family are more likely to find someone nice and suitable than eg a nightclub. We do this in the West all the time, only we don’t realise we are doing it. “X has got such a gorgeous cousin - he’s a pilot - you must meet him!” “I’m going to invite Bill’s sister to the party because I think you’ll really like her, she’s just your type.” OK - we start out with casual, “extra-marital” relationships, but the means of introduction are often the same.
July 11th, 2005 at 9:44 am
ImMeNse ImPrInTs, I envy you for finding such comfort in the text. To my ever thinking mind, even the litral meaning of all of this is not exactly the same.
Secret Dubai, in essence I think this is quite similar to arranged marriages- a popular (yet somewhat changing) way of getting married. I have nothing against it. I think it works beautifully for some people and doesn’t work for others. I may well resolve to this type of marriage after all, but at the moment, it does not quite fit with my thinking and personal experience.
Raw3a, I read that book long time ago, however it seems to me that it talks about change and how to deal with it, not about the decision making process before change happens.
July 19th, 2005 at 1:15 pm
yes and that my point
about change and how to deal with it
ya3ni before and after marrige
not to marry now or not
August 30th, 2005 at 1:04 am
You expressed it so well. No one mentioned “Qisma o na9eeb”, fate/destiny/god’s will… I don’t hav a problem with marriage per se, just the consciousness that our society imposes on the individual, the consciousness in ‘choosing’ the suitable wife/husband, the character analysis, the judgementalism.
I’m happy to hav found you’re blog.